“Hamza Ali Abbasi and his nephew”

This piece has been written in response to a series of Facebook statuses put up by Hamza Ali Abbasi, a renowned actor. One of them was about how his heart sank on witnessing passing of laws associated with gay marriages in the US and the other regarding him bailing out of promotions if the two songs with culturally unacceptable videos are not removed from the film. An interesting concept of ‘Double thinking’ was put forth by the novelist, George Orwell, in his novel 1984, and this concept is particularly pertinent to mind frames. This directly stems from different hierarchies of understanding that are available, and due to limitless hierarchies, it is quite vital to come to terms with the diversity that inhabits this planet. For all you know, it may have an allegorical meaning. Who could possibly claim to know all the dimensions of everything and absoluteness? None of us are perfect, and all of us have the potential to waver off from the ‘right’ path. Although this piece is rather mocking and cynical, I in my limited capacity as a human being am capable of making ‘mistakes’ too, and hence, on this note, this piece begins:   

Recently, Hamza Ali Abbasi’s heart sank because his 12 year old innocent nephew asked him the definition of gay and the reason for which they are allowed to marry each other in the US, as the Supreme Court gave the green signal for it. It is a serious offence to know the definition of gay and uncles must be offended if their nephews know the definition of gay, as the probability of becoming gay increases from 55% to 75%, and with a probability of a 75%, you might as well consider your nephew’s future to be doomed.

However, I am sure that his nephew is not going to watch the movie, Jawaani Phir Nahi Aani, else Hamza’s prone-to-sinking heart is going to sink a bit more. The options are never limited though. As he is going to be worried about such an issue and he is dedicated to the idea of humanity so much that he is worried about laws in a country in another corner of the world, we as a nation embedded in harmony need to assist Hamza out for the sort of sacrifices he makes. Being a superstar, he can hide the soon to be released DVDs in a lot of places; after all, he may have a villa rather than a 2 bed room apartment. DVDs can be hidden in the store room, and anyways as 12 year olds are more concerned about playing with toys, I am sure that his nephew is not going to wander and explore the store room, and as Hamza may have an extensive wardrobe, he can also hide the DVDs in one of the cupboards. Apart from that, assuming that his 12 year old nephew is unaware of the definition of gays, he clearly does not have a laptop or a computer where he could have Googled the definition of gay rather than asking his uncle, and also it would have been a bit more heart sinking when uncle Hamza discovered the treacherous word gay in his nephews History. For all we know, he may have put another status up to inform us of this; after all he justified his reason for putting up statuses even though he is an actor. The television sets can be batted out, and the nephew can be told that they have gone for repair.

With the suggestion of the highly effective tips in masking the movie in the previous paragraph, there still is a chance that the nephew can come across the trailer of Jawaani phir nahin aani after being made fun of in school for instance, and then the innocent nephew probably is going to knock on Hamza Ali Abbasi’s door, enter and ask if girls wear skimpy outfits in movies, why don’t girls in the supermarket in Pakistan wear clothes like this, are these girls or are they something else and the definition if they are something else. Hamza will be caught a bit off-guard here, and then he will remember that he uploaded that one status out of the millions of statuses he had uploaded on Facebook and will take a brief moment to ponder about the consequences of telling the nephew, but as he has quite a frank relationship with his nephew, he will decide to elucidate the accurate reason, and his response will be quite concise which will start off with acknowledging that the nephew is a grown man and uncle needs to discuss some serious issues. He will explain, “Uncle has a lot of best friends and that he is a movie star, and when you are a movie star, you need to make a lot of sacrifices”. The nephew will be a bit perplexed, but out of respect for his uncle, he will decide to nod his head to whatever the uncle is saying. The speech will continue on the nobility of sacrifices, “In this particular case, it was a sacrifice for best friends to film an ‘indecent’ (stressing on every syllable of the word) video. The filming of the songs was pivotal. I always had reservations but I was coerced into it by my best friends who I am quite tight with. (In his head, he will ponder that he is definitely not gay with his best friends, but it is not appropriate to mention this to his nephew). However, now I have made my mind up. I am going to threaten to not be a part of the promotions, and the songs will definitely be removed on screening in that case, after all, this is how best friend pacts work”.

Unfortunately, enlightenment for the nephew will hit a blind alley, after all the query of girls wearing skimpy outfits was not answered, and unsatisfied with the response, Hamza won’t be asked anymore questions, which Hamza needs to give a thought to.

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